My humble beginnings gave no clue as to the plan God had prepared for my life.
I was born in Poland during the time of the Communist regime. My parents were humble farmers who sought a brighter future for their family across the great ocean. We were Eastern European Roman Catholics with a rich and deep cultural history of faith; co-partnering with God through passionate prayer; especially, the rosary; and a deep love and understanding of the power of worship. I learned to pray at my father's knee from the time I was a little girl. I learned to love the Blessed Mother through the stories of my mother and the many statues and pictures dedicated to her image present in our home. I still remember the glow in the dark rosary that my dad brought with him from Poland and prayed on each night. I think that it is here that I developed a special understanding for the importance of unconditional love in the healing of a human heart and soul. I remember kneeling in front of Mary's statue as a little girl and openly sharing the concerns of my heart with her. That tradition has been a source of much sustenance and healing for me throughout my life. There never seemed to be a wall between us, but rather an open door drawing me in with its warm acceptance and love.
I could have never imagined then that I would one day leave this tradition to pursue an even deeper walk with God.
Prayer has always been a constant source of comfort and strength for me. My dad used to say that you needed to pray as if it all depended on God's grace and act as if it all depended on you. I think that he had something there. Today, I believe that I have finally come to understand those words as "love is simply prayer in action."
In retrospect, my unfolding as a Spiritual healer has been a gradual process over the course of my life.
I remember having prophetic dreams as far back as my teens which would then lead to being asked to pray for God's grace to cover the people or situation.
My first experience with the miraculous power of prayer occurred after my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer 25 years ago and given a maximum of two years to live. I spent those two years in constant prayer
My journey with Ron Roth began in the summer of 2002. I had been on a desperate search for clarity regarding my recent experiences and the radical changes they brought into my life. I had recently received a spontaneous anointing in the Holy Spirit, accompanied by a speaking in tongues which were quite foreign to me. This was accompanied by a further unfoldment of the Gifts of the Holy Spirit particularly the Gift of Healings. It seemed that from that point forward whenever I was in the presence of anyone in need of physical healing, I would feel this Divine presence come upon me; as evidenced by the spontaneous speaking/praying in tongues. This was felt as heat by the person being prayed for. The result was quite often very pronounced physical change in their condition. I had no paradigm for this occurrence in my religious or educational upbringing and the only parallels I found were among people that I simply could not relate to. They were either psychics or metaphysicians or saints. I identified with none of these. I began to pray earnestly for God to send me someone who could help me cope with all of these rapid changes and influx of new abilities whose purpose and operation I did not understand. The answer came quite rapidly over 30 days and ultimately led me to a book by Ron bearing the title, The Healing Path of Prayer. The book was as precious to me as water in the desert. I read it in its entirety immediately and found that this incredible man, an ex-catholic priest was offering a retreat in Chicago in a few weeks. I knew without a doubt that I needed to attend and I did.
It is in this atmosphere of love and support that my path of service had its birth.
Through the open and honest teaching and sharing during the numerous retreats, I slowly built my spiritual life upon a strong and solid foundation. The lessons have proven to be timeless in their utterance of irrevocable truth. I learned about the commonality present in all religions and spiritual paths. I came to realize that oftentimes the same manifestation of truth operates under many different names. For instance, the Holy Spirit or the third person in the Trinity is called the . I learned that the Koran contains stories about Jesus and His Mother Mary. I learned that
I learned discernment and developed wisdom through practical life examples from a teacher who strived to live a transparent life. One of my most precious treasures is this wise counsel: If anyone promises you spiritual treasures that can only be obtained for a sum of money or in a place other than where you are. Run. Remember the story of St. Bernadette and St. Juan Diego who was visited by Our Lady of Guadelupe; as well as the children of Fatima. They were not wealthy or educated and did not seek enlightenment. They simply had open hearts ready to receive and give love.
Ron also taught us to judge all teachers of spiritual wisdom by the fruits of their work not by their impressive words or titles.
Service is the fastest way to God. Give of your gifts freely and God will reward you abundantly.
All is bestowed upon us by God's Grace. It is not something we earn. Good works help to mold our hearts into vessels though which the Holy Spirit or the Divine can move.
Don't ever try to understand the why of God. God does things just because He can. You cannot bargain with or blackmail God.
Just because you didn't get what you specifically prayed for does not mean that God has not answered your prayer. He always answers prayers. Sometimes the answer is No.
Prayer time is not the same as giving our order in a restaurant. Prayer time is meant to be a time of communion with God. As St. Theresa described. I talk. God listens. God talks. I listen. Then we just sit and enjoy each other's company.
It is during my times with Ron that I learned about the intricacies of the healing process. I then got to participate fully in the experiential work upon my return home to my own family and life.
I learned that a healing is not always a cure. A healing is a permanent alteration of a man's soul through an inner communion with the Spirit of God. It is permanent and timeless and may or may not be accompanied by an immediate cure. A cure is a physical shift of a condition that is bound by time and may or may not be permanent depending on the accompanying shift in the life of the soul to support it.
I learned that not everyone who asked for healing would be ready to receive it. Some might never chose to receive it due to family or social influences. Others might not be prepared to allow the shift in lifestyle necessary if such a permanent change were to occur.
If one is truly seeking to serve those before him, he must set aside his own agenda and strive to operate solely by Divine guidance. It is this guidance which will reveal the true cause of the spiritual suffering that has led to this physical manifestation. It is only by seeking to address this suffering that one can begin to become a facilitator of permanent change.
I have felt the collision of my past, present and future in these last 3 months. Dealing with the loss of two significant teachers and mentors has forced me to look deeply into the relationships and lessons passed on during my time with them, The value of these relationships in the molding of my spiritual and intellectual life is immeasurable. Though each chose a slightly different forum in which to share his particular gifts, the power of their legacy in terms of the lives they touched has been tremendous.
It has brought me to a point of stillness and contemplation. What will my own legacy be? How have I made use of the gifts of Grace poured upon me by the creator? Do I truly have something to offer to others or am I just a facsimile of sorts echoing the words shared by so many other great teachers? Whom am I to serve and how? What is the value of a teacher along the path of self returning to the Creator? What is the value of pain and suffering in a human life and how to honor it in a way that brings true healing; that which transcends the physical and restores wholeness on all levels?
The greatest test has come in the form of an unexpected turn of health for my father after he suffered a heart attack 2 weeks ago. Again the past, present and future collided. Some years ago, a similar experience brought me to my knees in hopeless pleas and bargaining with God. In my arrogance, I thought that if I promised the creator my services in healing those around me it would be sufficient payment for the instantaneous healing of my mother of Alzheimers. That was not to be. Hence, my fits of rage at the same God whom I had just finished pleading with. Neither had any effect. I continued to serve; having already drunk of the wine. My mother was not healed of Alzheimers, although she was cured of many other symptoms. Miraculous healings for others continued to occur. Eventually, I learned true humility and surrender and in the end joy and peace found their way into my life. My mother's dying process brought me into a new life unlike any I had ever known. So great was her legacy that to this day it brings tears to my eyes. I would not have chosen to experience it in any other way.
My father's heart attack brought me to that same place of looking at my own truth and revisited again the question of surrender. In another time and place, I would have viewed my choices as a sign of lost faith. Instead, I came to realize the depth of faith and love present in my own life. Prayer and contemplation were still the source of direction. This time the direction revealed the necessity of a traditional medical path. In that journey, I have again learned a deeper surrender. This time I did not plead and rage. I surrendered to the unconditional love and devotion of those who loved me as they were provided the opportunity to express that love through constant prayer support of my family as we walked this journey. In this we found our strength and the miracle of love unfolded on another level. The love of a father and a daughter was renewed and nourished . A daughter was given the opportunity to repay a legacy of loving sacrifice and devotion than had ever been possible before. Others continued to be healed and their healing was received joyously by that same daughter as a sign of the perfect cycle of Grace. Faith remained unblemished.
I have learned that beauty and joy exist in each moment, but they are like rare flowers in that they need to be sought earnestly. One never knows where one may find them. To be present to each moment is the greatest of all gifts that we give ourselves and others.
My first exposure to world religions was through Ron and his ministry. I had been raised in a Polish Roman Catholic household with bare glimpses of the outside world and had continued this way into adulthood. The bi-annual retreats held by Ron through his Celebrating Life Ministries were instrumental in my spiritual unfoldment and education. Ron himself had been blessed with many incredible teachers during his studies at seminary; including one of the translators of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He was an avid learner and shared his many insights and discoveries with the group at large. It is through him that I was brought to a deeper understanding of the deeply moving practices of the Native Americans; the Christian mystics; the Brazilian and Filipino spiritualists including Jao or John of God as he is know in the west; and the many saints and sages of the Hindu tradition. I learned about the many discoveries and subsequent conversions of scientists such as Bruce Lipton, Harvey Martin, Greg Braden, and David Hawkins. Through Ron I was exposed to the story of the Essenes and there connection to Jesus and his ministry. I learned about the true meaning and power of the Word as referred to in the Bible through direct experience with the Aramaic and Sanskrit texts.
Perhaps the greatest gift that Ron taught us all was not to take ourselves so seriously on our spiritual journey because as he frequently said "no one else does". He made us believe in a loving Father God who was fully accessible to his children even when they chose to move away from him. This God just waited patiently for us to have our little moments of rebellion and then just welcomed us back home with open arms, just like the bible story of the Prodigal Son.
Love God, Love Yourself, and than Love Others...this is the greatest of all the commandments ...Do this and you will LIVE!!!!
One of my personal favorite stories came about during a discussion on the need for meditation and contemplation in one's spiritual practice. Many people expressed their difficulty with silencing their mind. His response was that part of the problem was in the approach. He described his morning prayer ritual as this. I make my latte and then sit in my favorite easy chair in front of my Thomas Kincaide painting and then just enjoy the moment. I observe the painting appreciating its beauty. I drink my latte. I talk to God. I sit. God talks to me. Don't try to still the mind because the mind is like a misbehaved child the more you try to still it the more it seeks attention. Let it wander. Observe. Notice. Don't engage it in a struggle. Simple.
He made me realize how simple life could be if we could just remain present to each moment. Each moment had something valuable to offer us if we would just pay attention.
He often shared how when people first experienced an awakening experience they automatically would ascribe tremendous importance to it rather than just enjoying its gifts. They would sometimes leave their jobs, leave their families and move to another part of the country or the world seeking to bury themselves in the bliss. They interpret this gift as a sign of some great plan that God has for them instead of realizing that it is nothing more than a simple call to be more present in their life. If they would only stay put and be more present they might experience even greater gifts exactly where they were. Eventually they would discern a pattern that might actually reveal a plan. The difference would be that by then they would have attained some measure of spiritual maturity that would prepare them for the responsiblity that comes with great privilege.
The major realization of Enlightenment is not bliss, but rather a realization that we are on this earth to be used as instruments of the Divine through which He might reveal His Mercy and Grace to His children.
I often experienced moments of Divine bliss at the retreats as a result of Ron laying hands on me. I never actually sought the laying on of hands by him and often carried out very intricate plans to avoid being in the field of his vision. It never came to me that he did not operate under his power in those times, but was guided by the Holy Spirit to serve as the instrument of my unfolding. There was Grace and there was challenge as a result of those blessings. Grace came from drowning in the arms of the Divine and Our Blessed Mother or one of the saints. Challenge came from the guidance received in those moments of Divine Union. There was often revelation of future unfolding of world events and personal sacrifices that would need to be made by me to fulfill God's plans for my life. The greatest beauty came in the joy of surrender as my heart and soul desired to sink deeper in the ocean of His love, Her love. In that love only Yes was possible.
Then came the vulnerable human as she realized the personal sacrifice that was entailed by that yes.
Then would come another moment in that Ocean of Love and I willingly gave up my life and said yes forever.
I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was sitting in a lecture by Bruce Lipton at one of the retreats. He taught about the Biology of Belief and something about how our thoughts created our reality and all of creation being made up of exactly one identical cell. At first I found it fascinating, then I got bored as I realized that to understand all of creation with our mind was like trying to understand the composition of a rose instead of enjoying its beauty and fragrance. Then I thought how wonderful it must have been to know God the way Jesus did. So I said this prayer. Take my heart and make it your heart. Take my eyes and make them your eyes. Take my mind and make it your mind. Take my hands and my feet and use them to do your work. In that moment, I felt my chest being opened and I saw and felt my heart being pulled from it. I felt my eyes being removed and then my mind just left. I was in this state of beingness that I had never experienced before. I knew that there was a body but it didn't matter. I was in a state of total nothingness and yet I had no desire for anything. Then I felt my organs and body parts being replaced, but they were so unfamiliar. It was like carrying a baby inside of me. Part of me but not mine. From that moment forward, I had no other desire than to be in His presence. No earthly thing held any value. Not possessions. Not family. Not titles. I realized that all was nothingness. I began to see things as I had never seen them before. I began to see a world far beyond my physical environment and I began to know the pain of a Father seeing His children suffer while He stood by helpless as they chose their own paths and their own lessons.
There were many more moments at the many retreats. Each unique in its beauty and pain.
I will remain forever grateful for the sacrifice of this incredible man so that others might come to know a world greater than their physical eyes and mind could ever conceive.
This for me is even greater than the countless healings that occurred. Healings that included crippled walking, fatal illness healed, infirmities relieved and lives restored to wholeness.
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